Dearest Scots,
In the early morning hours on Saturday, October 1, Safety and Security busted a brutal paintball war in the Chapel. Two students were arrested and are being charged with the destruction of property. Facilities team 14 left to clean up the mess.
Casen Bailey ‘24 finally meets someone he doesn’t know. All of campus is shocked. The grand encounter happened in Andreas’ lobby Thursday evening, October 6. The new student claimed to have never heard of Casen before and said, “It was a wonderful encounter, and I hope everyone gets to meet Casen Bailey someday.”
The stray cat that wanders around campus, popularly known as “The Cov Cat,” is not actually a stray cat. An anonymous source uncovered that Student Development adopted a cat this summer to boost serotonin and solve depression on campus. Priesthill Counseling Center expressed gratitude.
Reform comes to Covenant Chapel. Previously, any cell phone use in Chapel meant a student lost Chapel credit. Now, the Chapel Department has announced that students can use their phones in the Chapel but only for flashlight waving during the doxology. The Chapel Department is reportedly thrilled about the new experience and life this will bring to the Chapel.
Tragedy struck Covenant College when freshman relic stealing got out of hand, and a missing student report was filed last weekend. Since last weekend's relic raid, no one has seen Pam Jonke '26, the Balcony Leg, Ekklesia Dolphins or Second Central’s Cecilia. Safety and Security suspect that Jonke '26 was mistaken as a relic. If you have any leads on the whereabouts of Pam Jonke, the Balcony Leg, Ecclesia Dolphins or Second Central’s Cecilia, alert the RA on duty immediately. Resident Directors would like to remind students that relics are to be returned to the hall 24 hours after being stolen; they also expressed concern for the missing students.
The Caudle room located in the Maclellan Rymer resident building is reported to install cameras. Maclellan residents were informed that this extra safety measure is just a precaution. The building residents have reported mixed reviews. Maclellan couples who once enjoyed the Caudle room as their "go-to" hang-out spot have evacuated, while the Maclellan singles enjoy the couple-free area.
Covenant students learn how to stack cars in the Sanderson lot on weekends. Desperate for convenient parking, students go to drastic lengths to avoid walking up from the gym, Scotland Yard and Shadowlands. Car stacking isn’t just a more efficient way to park; it has also provided an opportunity for procrastination.
Don't get lost in the fog,
Lady Thistledown ;) James 1:26
Disclaimer: All content in this report is “gossip” and, therefore, untrue.