Many of us at Covenant have heard the nickname, “marriage mill on the hill.” For those who meet their spouses at Covenant, this is a beautiful thing that we should celebrate; it is exciting that we get to connect with like-minded believers and that those connections sometimes result in marriage.
My goal for this article is to remind those who might be struggling and longing to participate in the ‘marriage mill on the hill’ of the joys of being single. Singleness is truly a gift God has given to us that we should treasure. If you are currently not in a relationship, this means that God has called you to singleness at the moment. We should celebrate that gift and this time of life the same way we would celebrate someone who is called into marriage. Both are gifts from God.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” Paul is not hating on marriage; he is instead reminding us of the joys of being single and the ways God can use your singleness.
As Paul writes in verses 32-34, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” Paul wants to remind us that God can use singleness in a unique way that we should never forget. I can see this in my own life for a couple of reasons.
First, if you are single, you have more control over how you use your time. And what a gift that is! With that extra time, you can serve. Please don’t misunderstand me; being in a relationship doesn't mean that you serve any less or are not called to serve, but the way you serve may look different.
Because I am single, I don’t have to plan around a date night every week or take into consideration someone else when I am planning out my week. I have a freedom that someone who is in a relationship doesn’t.
I see this very clearly while working in youth ministry. It takes more energy and often more unusual hours than something like serving in the nursery would require. Because I am single, I am able to go to youth events at weird hours and my schedule won’t affect a significant other. I can decide to hang out with these students (or with friends for that matter) at the last minute while married people would likely need to check with their spouse.
As I apply for jobs for next year and wrap up my senior year, I see God’s faithfulness in keeping me single. Some may say that it is weird to use the language of “God was keeping me single.” But if God is faithful in purposefully bringing a significant other or your spouse into your life, why could He not also be just as faithful in keeping you single? After college, I have the ability to travel, go to grad school, take a teaching job, work in national parks over the summer, or dedicate even more time into the various professions God calls me to, in a way that someone who is married or in a serious relationship likely cannot. What a gift that is!
There is also a freedom and independence in singleness. For example, if I do not see or talk to my roommates for a couple of days, I would be sad, but I would know that we’ll catch up when we are together again. But if I was married and did not talk to my husband for a couple of days, I would question the healthiness of the relationship. Even if it was just a dating relationship, there is still a greater obligation to communicate regularly in order to maintain the healthiness of the relationship. I have freedom and independence because I don’t have one particular person whom I must always keep in mind.
There are also significant benefits to being single throughout college. Romantic relationships take time and emotional energy; this is appropriate and can have a great, life-long reward. However, because I was never in a relationship at Covenant, I was able to spend that time and energy in meeting many people, going to discussions around campus, taking as many classes as I could, auditing classes on top of that, connecting with my church, connecting with my hall, and going on weekend trips with friends. You can most certainly do all of those things while in a relationship and with your significant other, but your time is more limited.
Although I firmly believe that God is faithful even in all relationships. I am grateful that I have never had to go through the emotional pains of a break-up
I am not saying there are not difficult aspects of singleness. There are moments where you will want to date someone or even just make out with someone, but this helps us learn to hold our desires up to God every day. Saying “Ok God, I really want to be in a relationship right now, but this is where you have me, and I will rejoice” is often a part of singleness, but it grows a reliance on God and trust in his plan.
Let me emphasize again that there are definite joys that come with dating and marriage. God can use relationships just as much as He can use singleness. Relationships help refine us and teach us about the love of God and sacrifice. God can also use married people to work in other’s lives. But relationships also take great time, emotional energy, money, and they change one’s opportunities, as discussed above. I hope that you are able to rejoice in where God has you. And if he has you in a time of singleness right now, pray for guidance in how He wants to use you. I ask you, Covenant College, to change your mindset about singleness to viewing it as a gift rather than just a stage of life to get through.