Warning: *This is toxic behavior, this is bad, don’t do this*
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days Covenant Edition. Photo courtesy of Mary Powell (Bagpipe) ‘25.
Day 1—Target acquired
Start the process by selecting your target. Great places to start looking include the Great Hall, the Blink or the library. Based on the location you can begin to collect some information about your guy. Does he go to Chapel or Napel? Is he a buffalo chicken wrap fan, or does he have bad taste? Take note ladies! These are the weaknesses you will play on for the coming days! Approach and ask him out.
Day 2—We got ‘em girls
Go on a nice date—Coolidge Park or Downtown Chattanooga (because the Great Hall DOES NOT COUNT as a first date) and keep all the crazy in. Holding hands is optional, but you definitely want to solidify some happy feelings so he can prematurely ask you to be his girlfriend. Say yes.
Day 3—Go time (Theology bomb)
Time to find the inevitable theological difference between you and Boy. And let him know that you don’t think you can marry anyone who disagrees. Hard to tell if this will shake him, but it might work for some. From this point on, this needs to come up on a daily basis.
Day 4—When are open hall hours?!
Today, you’ll need to avoid him all day because there aren’t open hall hours. Tell him you are embarrassed to be seen with him, and leave it at that. This probably won’t shake him, but it lays the foundation of destruction.
Day 5—Test ghost
Avoid him again but this time because you have an exam. If he brings up the fact that it's a H. Ward doctrine exam where you already have all the answers—ghost him. If he shows up at your study spot—physically turn into a ghost and float right through the wall and away from him.
Day 6—Theology bomb #2
Assuming day one was a Monday, you can play this two ways. Go to church with him and then be really mad when the disagreement from day 3 comes up. Or go separately to a church that has a female pastor—make sure he knows about this.
Day 7— Operation embarrassment
By now, you and Boy should be at a messy point in the relationship, but we haven’t really done much yet. Time for some public humiliation. Sing happy birthday to him in the Great Hall with as many people as possible (or just you but super loud). Cry loudly—and in front of him—in the library because he hasn’t proposed, and it's almost summer. Burst into his class and sing happy birthday again.
Day 8—You’re still here?
Um … at this point if Boy is still here then he must have a bet with his friends. Go to his friends and tell them (or pay them off) to start the inception process to get him to give up. Since boys love to make sleep studies with as many bunk beds in the room as possible, all they’ll have to do is wait for him to fall asleep, then whisper “break up with her” in his ear.
Day 9—Too many bunk beds
Turns out, stacking 5 beds on top of each other was a mistake—he gets mildly injured in the collapse and spends the day in the ER making sure he doesn’t have a concussion. You don’t go to hold his hand, and that makes him sad.
Day 10—Success!
He approaches you in the Great Hall and uses a classic Christian break up line. Congrats! You’ve lost your guy!