We often underestimate the power of embarrassment. This strange and frustrating emotion usually accompanies events or mistakes that we would rather not talk about. I’m sure it’s happened to everyone: we trip over something, we drop a dish in the Great Hall, we start singing a verse of a song a little too early in church, and instantly, we are plunged into an awkward shame.
Recently, as I’ve witnessed embarrassment and felt a good deal of it myself, I’ve wondered: what exactly is it that we are ashamed of? As strong and sudden as embarrassment is, the little events that cause it aren’t enough to add much of a dent to our conscience, right?
These questions lead me to do a little thinking on what embarrassment actually is, why it causes feelings of guilt, and how it fits into our society’s understanding of emotions. Like sociologist Erving Goffman, I decided to take my ideas to the stage and do a little dramaturgical analysis (Principles of Sociology, anyone?).
Let’s say that everyone in society is an actor, life is a series of performances, and we are all reading from the script. Well, what happens on stage if you forget a line? Actors train to cover up these mistakes and resourcefully come up with a plan in the moment, but if something were to go wrong, a feeling of shame might arise. This feeling would be caused by the fact that the actor forgot the line that was their responsibility to memorize. I think that this idea of “forgetting a line” is comparable to embarrassment. In an embarrassing moment, we feel as if we deviated from some social script and let down other actors. So, embarrassment is a feeling of falling short of the role we think we are supposed to be playing.
I have struggled under this idea of embarrassment. I sometimes joke, “I don’t want to be perfect; I just want to do things right.” I remember a day a few weeks ago where, after failing to control some overwhelming feelings of embarrassment, I thumbed through results of a frenetic and misspelled google search begging the internet “why do I get embarrassed so easily?” I think that the fear of embarrassing moments holds a lot of power, especially when it taps into this feeling of shame.
But, I was recently reminded that feelings of guilt and shame that arise from embarrassment are not from the Lord. I realized then that it was time to change my ideas about embarrassment. Instead of condemning myself for “forgetting a line” in a social situation or judging others for doing the same, I began to think of embarrassment as a powerful and humbling tool for loving others. Throughout my week, I tried to seek out some positive effects of embarrassment. Like the feeling of awkwardly laughing with someone after an embarrassing encounter, making the same mistake as someone else and smiling, or laughing with friends through our imperfections. Part of being vulnerable in friendships is laughing with each other and continuing to show love to one another during our embarrassing moments.
Embarrassment is still a struggle, however, especially in occasions where maybe there isn’t anyone to laugh with. It makes me disheartened that we are led to feel a sense of failure for somehow upsetting our image by deviating from a script. I pray that God will renew ideas of embarrassment by allowing us to humble ourselves and love others and by reminding us that our worth is in Him rather than in the confines of our societal roles. Erving Goffman was a smart guy, but his metaphor of dramaturgical analysis falls a little short. What happens when “actors” don’t care about their image? As Christians, let’s upset these image-focused concepts as servants whose roles are to glorify God and love others. Huzzah! Revolution!