Modesty is a topic that immediately gets people wary and ready to be offended, especially women and girls. This topic has so often been used as a way to belittle and objectify women and often is tied to purity culture that sees purity solely in sexual terms, which I am sure most of us already know is fairly toxic, and does not follow the more holistic Biblical understanding of purity.
Most of the time modesty ends up being viewed in terms of how much or how little skin a girl can show, or how tight her clothes are. I want to argue here that true modesty is not specifically about what clothes a woman wears (although they can play a part in modesty), but rather about a general disposition that all people should have, both men and women.
There are two particularly important Scripture passages on modesty.
One is 1 Timothy 2:9-10: “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
The other is 1 Peter 3:3-4: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.”
I would like to point out that these passages are not here to tell women to hide their bodies. Rather, they speak against flashiness and gaudiness, and against bringing excess attention to mere physical appearance, wealth and status (note the emphasis on gold, pearls, and costly attire). These passages tell us that the things that bring true, lasting beauty and worth are more about disposition and actions than physicality.
The Bible is full of these kinds of proclamations about how earthly things corrupt and decay and how it is only spiritual things that last: “lay up treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroy, where thieves do not break in and steal” (Matthew 6:20). So it is of no surprise to me that there is a similar sentiment applied to how Christians present themselves. I think we can all agree that what Christians should focus on are not things of temporary value, but rather on spiritual things that have eternal value.
Now, I mentioned in the first paragraph that I believe that modesty should be applied to men as well as women, even though these passages call out women in particular. I believe this because I believe that modesty has major ties to humility, which is something that men are also called to practice.
As Rick Warren said (in a quote often accredited to C.S. Lewis), “humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” This ties into how I have been defining modesty—not as hiding yourself, but as not bringing excess attention to yourself (i.e. thinking of yourself less).
Now I am not saying you cannot wear nice things or do anything that may draw attention to you, but as Christians we are not called to flaunt ourselves. We are called to let our actions speak for themselves and to let Christ’s light shine through the way that we behave, through our good works and through our humility.
Modesty is more than about our dress--it is also about our actions, words and deeds. When we work hard or we do something well, we do not need to boast, and when complimented we do not have to hide it. Instead, we should reply with modesty and thankfulness. In essence, modesty is not about women’s bodies being too sexual that women must hide them, but, rather, it is about both men and women being humble in everything that they do.