I recently read a sociological study that examined the changing views on milestones that define adulthood in America. In the 1950s, one such milestone included marriage. In fact, one’s ability to perform within their designated familial role was the defining feature of an adult.
Today, researchers have found that the most important milestones to adulthood are considered to be completing school and having a full-time job. Surely we can attribute this shift to the rise of feminism and individualism in modern America, and the church is not immune to these cultural shifts.
However, I do question whether this study would have found the same results had they only asked Reformed believers. In her book “Faithful: A Theology of Sex,” Beth Felker Jones writes, “I frequently hear Christians equate maturity with marriage. Given that Jesus wasn’t married, this is a theological disaster.” I fear that there are views within the church that make marriage more idolized and singleness more isolating.
Now, I want to pause. I am single, and it is important to me that I do not present this from a place of cynicism or bitterness. This isn’t an article meant to ask for sensitivity from couples. My goal isn’t really even to encourage single people. I actually feel very strongly that the reason we find this topic so painful is because we focus on the wrong thing. I would ask that we, the church, redirect our focus from the status of our relationships to our role in the Great Commission.
As Christ commanded all believers before his ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 28:19). With this in mind, it’s important that we take a look at Genesis 1:28. It has to be significant that God’s first commandment to man is “be fruitful and multiply.” How could we go out and make disciples of all nations if nations aren’t even being born?
Along with this, although it’s significant that Christ remained single in his ministry, should we not also consider the fact that he was actually born into a family, not simply placed on this earth? These are pretty obvious questions, but I think they create a subconscious understanding in the Church—marriage is incredibly important. It is. However, I want to look again at Jones’ book, where she reminds us of Paul’s call for us to remain celibate in 1 Corinthians 7.
She said, “Paul expects all of us who are in Christ to live with an urgency born of our faith that the kingdom is coming, that Christ will return, and that a desperate world is longing for the gospel.” We may be called to be in a relationship or married right now, we may be called to be single in this season, or we may be called to a lifetime of singleness, but if we are not using that position to faithfully and urgently ensure that every tongue confesses and every knee bows, we are being outright disobedient.
I want to also take a moment to examine the life of Naomi, the mother-in-law of Ruth. The book of Ruth is a turning point in the Old Testament, marking the end of the judges’ rule and the beginning of the monarchical line leading to Christ. Many of us who were raised in the Church know this story, and we tend to focus on Ruth. I have been to very few weddings where her words, “For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16) are not read. Yet, these words were spoken not to her spouse, but to Naomi. Ruth had just lost her husband. Two of the lowest statuses one could obtain in that time were those of widows and foreigners. Ruth, then, is pledging to stoop herself to the lowest of the lows in order to follow Naomi and give her life to the God of Israel.
What compels her to do this? Naomi lost her husband and sons because they sinned by leaving Israel, and yet, when she loses her family, her response is to return to the God whom she feels has turned against her. Ruth is seeing her faith. Ruth is seeing her loyalty. Ruth is seeing her God. She pursued what she saw to be Naomi’s only remaining bit of hope. While Naomi remained a widow for the rest of her life, her faithfulness to the Lord led to Ruth marrying her kinsman redeemer and opening the door for our Kinsman Redeemer. Even in suffering and loss, the Lord is using us, and he will use our faithfulness to change hearts.
While there are areas in which single people have experienced hurt within the Church, the response should not be sensitivity. Instead, as the Body of Christ, let’s redirect our focus to boldly pursuing a life that makes others want to serve our God.