Now, never ever hear me say that I do not love Taylor Swift.
Taylor has been my girl since I was a kid. I have listened to her music since elementary school on my pink iPod mini, screamed the “All Too Well'' lyrics out of my car window into the wind countless times, and stayed up till midnight for each new album release since I was sixteen. I have stayed with her through her country, pop, and indie phase. But what is true love if not speaking the truth, right? And I think Taylor Swift has got it wrong with what she says about exes.
Yes, I did stay up till midnight to listen to all the new Red songs with eager anticipation. And yes, I also hosted a viewing party of the new short film (big shout out to Dylan O’ Brien for being as amazing as ever). But, as someone who now has some relationships of her own under her belt, the “All Too Well (Ten Minute Version)” film and song did not settle with me well (and it wasn't just because of the age difference).
Taylor Swift seems to be championing the idea that an ideal ex is one that never moves on. We don’t have to search far to see this ideal played out in the song. Even by the fourth line we see Taylor remark that her ex has held onto the scarf she left at his house and still has it “even now.” The listener gets the sense that holding on to her scarf is the same as holding onto his feelings for her. The song beautifully outlines different memories between the couple, weaving in the good with the bad. The music itself works to romanticize the memories. Taylor brings up the scarf again at the end, noting how her ex simply cannot get rid of it because it reminds him of her. The short film adds to this idea of not moving on by having the ex show up thirteen years after the breakup, clearly still thinking about their relationship.
Not only is this view of exes vastly unrealistic, but it's unhealthy. To expect that after a relationship has ended, the people in it should carry on some secret flame for the other person is deeply problematic. Of course, there is room for mutual care and respect for a person you were in a relationship with. I am in no way saying you should turn into the reputation era, get out some black eyeliner, rebrand to snakes, and hate all of your exes.
But, there is nothing romantic or healthy about not moving on from a past relationship. Sure, there is room to be sad and to remember and maybe that is what Taylor is trying to do with these songs. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt. It just seems to me that she has taken the remembering too far and is expecting relationships that are over to continue on. I’m not saying that breakups are easy. Sure, remember the relationships you had, but please don’t expect your ex to be standing outside in the snow at your book release thirteen years later for the book you wrote about him, wearing the scarf you left at his sister's house. It’s not romantic. It’s just creepy.