Growing up as a woman in America has made it far too easy to find flaws in not only myself but other women as well. What is one of the root causes of this toxic trait (beside the general fallenness of man)? Capitalism and internalized misogyny.
What do most women feel insecure about? Our stomachs, any sort of body hair besides the ones on the top of our head, our weight, our skin, our clothes, our personalities and so much more. These insecurities are man-made, with an emphasis on the man part, and do nothing for anyone but companies profiting off of us.
Now the question must be asked: why are we insecure about these things? The general answer is society. But more importantly, it is our capitalist society that is bankrolled by people in general being insecure and buying things that they think they can be improved by or made more appealing by.
Since our insecurities and hatred of our perceived flaws keep the economy going, there are what feels to be like a million and one, if not more, outside influences like advertisements and general branding; like any company that keeps pointing out things that we can’t instantly change to make us feel bad, and therefore spend more money. This is a tragic system that should be talked about more in depth at a different time in a different article.
Out of this insecure, capitalistic driven society comes an odd sense of competition between women around the world. While there is a physical outer appearance that drives a wedge between women, there is also a sense of competition when other women can and do things that we can’t or don’t do. This type of narrative comes from a sexist mindset that glorifies our internal misogynist.
We, as women, tend to find comfort in looking at other women's flaws and tearing them down, whether just to ourselves, to the woman directly, or to other women. We focus on others’ flaws to deal with what society has told us to feel insecure about, instead of dealing head on with our insecurities and realizing how silly they are.
If we really think about it, when women compare themselves to other women and focus on their flaws, we are more than likely projecting.
So sit in your judgement and give yourself a minute. What is it about her that makes you uncomfortable? Does she remind you of yourself? Is she acting in a way that you wish you could? There are a lot of ways this type of internalized misogyny appears in everyday life for the modern woman. Examples range from enforcing stereotypes on other women, such as “they are full of drama,” tearing down powerful women, hating on your boyfriend's ex, or judging women for their appearance. All of these examples are toxic and do absolutely nothing to actually make you feel better.
What’s my point in all of this? Ladies, this is your call to action to support other women. This world is built on a patriarchal society that pins women against each other for the benefit of men. Because let’s be real — if all women banded together, we could take the world by storm and we might not have so many issues. I am not saying you have to love all the women in the world and be their best friend, but it does mean actively fighting your instant reaction to comment on another woman’s appearance in a derogatory way or try not to be “like other girls” and tell everyone you know that you are “different.”
Ladies, let’s be real here. There is enough influence in the outside world that wants us to hate each other and have conflict. News flash: there is enough room for all women to be happy and successful in this life. We do not need to be jealous or petty when another woman succeeds. Instead, cheer them on and count their win as a win for all womankind.
We are called to love. To love other women well, we have to band together.
We need to stop judging ourselves and others—the only person who should be judging us is God. Lucky for us, he loves us no matter what, so there is no point in judging at all. We have to recalibrate our brains to not tear each other and ourselves down, because that’s what the world wants, and we have to fight that. If you need help with that, let’s hang out and talk about internalized misogyny. Now remember, no one is actually judging you like you are judging you, so go out and be a feminst warrior with some great female friends to build each other up.