Surrender

My heart is beating fast as new worries flood my mind,

As all this confidence I had I’ve somehow left behind.

For God, there is so much that I know I need to do,

With fervency I want to go, to where I have no clue,

Yet I look at myself and I think with fear and shame,

God, I’m not perfect for your tasks, why do you call my name?

I have this passion for His work, but scared to do it all,

I wonder anxiously, what if I fail or fall?

I want to be one who builds up, I want to share the Name,

But what if I just hurt someone, and I’d be there to blame?

What if I lose my friends, what if I lose my pride,

What if I fail miserably even though I tried?

What if I lose it all, what if the risk’s too high?

What if God didn’t call me, what if I question why?

I lay awake still struggling, I ask God to come near,

And He, faithful, still the same, says “I am always here.”

I ask Him how to face the risks which ominously come my way,

And He tells me that the risks I fear are risks I take each day.

I may fear doing big things for God, but I don’t always fear the small,

If I can risk the little things, why can’t I risk it all?

I picture this big breakthrough where God will change my heart,

Where all my fear will vanish and I’ll be perfect from the start.

But then I realize that, in truth, God never had that plan.

Confidence in God does not mean always knowing that I can.

It doesn’t mean I’ll have the strength to break through every wall,

But that I know at some point there will be times I’ll fall.

Even through my faltering, I happily will find

That God works all for good, in deed, in thought, in mind.

I might mess up, fail utterly, cause strife or hurt or pain,

But no matter what, I know for sure God’s love will stay the same.

I’ll do my best, try to the end, and when I make mistakes,

I’ll do what I can to make amends and consequences take.

I know that I’m not perfect, but I won’t idly let life go by

Because better to try and fail than to fail and never try.

What could I ever truly lose, precious, big, or small

When I have none to own as mine, when I’ve surrendered all?