LE PETITE WINDBAG: Open Letter to Lil' Wayne

Dear Lil’ Wayne,

It’s been a hot minute since you released an album, and now mediocre rappers like Kendrick Lamar and Vince Staples have taken over the rap game.  We are ready to see you drop an album like you dropped the world in 2012.  We, the young money militia, have been sitting around waiting for our commishnuh, Weezy F. Baby (and the “F” ain’t for finishuh).  The pounding rock-and-roll guitars of your later albums, and the classic beats of your Carter albums are just not found in modern rap.  

If we are being honest, you were the fireman. You had ice in your veins, blood in your eyes, hate in your heart, love on your mind. You picked up that mic like a lollipop and rapped your heart out into it.  You talked about the real stuff –– weapons, baaabes, druuuuuugs, and money.  Now people just rap about social problems and their troubled past.  Please oh please release another album.  We want that good good.  I want to wake up and smell the gardens of your latest tunes.

Until then, we will be with the Carter.  We will be sleeping at the top with nightmares of the bottom.  We know you’re getting money while they’re hating on you.  Cash money is still the company, and you are still the boss.  Lil Wayne, you are not a human being.  You are a legend.